The only surefire way to a safe, clean, and secure election is, of course, to encourage young voter abstinence. Learn more about this pivotal campaign in this promotional video, approved by John McCain.
Remember: when you vote for a candidate, you're voting for every stance they've ever had.
Also, Obama wants to change the language of the Pledge of Allegiance to state "One nation under gay baby."
Love, Stephen Colbert.
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